The struggles and triumphs of an addict

So, life is actually good for the first time in my life. I'm still dealing with chronic pain and a chemical dependence on a very powerful narcotic, methadone, but my life is in order. A wonderful job at Citibank and my family life, although, chaotic at times was good because I had what I truly wanted and that was living with my son. I was making the most money I had ever made and it was a easy job sitting at a desk reviewing our customers credit reports. I think back now and it's hard to believe I could even function on 140 mgs of methadone a day. That's like going to work high on heroin every day. There really is not much difference between the two. As a matter of fact I think the Methadone was worse. At least that is what the detox center told me when they flat out refused me admission because of it. During the 15 years of dependence to methadone I tried to get into detox three times and was told by the admitting nurses all three times I would have been better off shooti...

There were two choices I made during this part of my life that were the major catalysts that led to every other bad choice. 1) The Methadone clinic I could go on and on about the negatives of methadone clinics, but I'm just going to focus on what's the most important. If you or someone you know develops a chemical dependency to opiates DO NOT GO TO A METHADONE CLINIC. Methadone clinics take people in every single day that are addicted to much weaker opiates like Hydrocodone (Lorcet, Lortab), Oxycodone, Morphine and most other painkillers that can be overcome (physical withdrawal) in 2-4 weeks and put them on a medication that they will probably on for the rest of their lives. The  Methadone clinics that are privately owned make millions of dollars a year. The clinics here charge about $16 a day to dose someone. When I was buying methadone from Walgreens without insurance it cost me around $35 for an entire months supply. That was 360 tablets. That is dirt cheap for a na...

From here on out I will do my best to tell an accurate accounting of events, but this is the point in my life where, in actuality, I was in a walking coma. It's literally like fourteen years of my life have been erased from my memory because of the Methadone. The only reason I can even recall enough to tell my story is because so many bad things happened during this period. For some reason the negative memories have stayed, but if you were to ask me about my son's first step or the first time he called me daddy I would have nothing to offer. A few things have stuck around like his first day of kindergarten when I walked out balling like a baby. Before I started going to the doctor my relative lost her doctor and could no longer supply me with pills. I had lost my connection and had to figure something out quick. Without the Methadone the physical withdrawal was so bad I would have suicidal thoughts. This was a first for me. A lot of people have those types of thoughts ...