The struggles and triumphs of an addict

So, life is actually good for the first time in my life. I'm still dealing with chronic pain and a chemical dependence on a very powerful narcotic, methadone, but my life is in order. A wonderful job at Citibank and my family life, although, chaotic at times was good because I had what I truly wanted and that was living with my son. I was making the most money I had ever made and it was a easy job sitting at a desk reviewing our customers credit reports. I think back now and it's hard to believe I could even function on 140 mgs of methadone a day. That's like going to work high on heroin every day. There really is not much difference between the two. As a matter of fact I think the Methadone was worse. At least that is what the detox center told me when they flat out refused me admission because of it. During the 15 years of dependence to methadone I tried to get into detox three times and was told by the admitting nurses all three times I would have been better off shooti...

From here on out I will do my best to tell an accurate accounting of events, but this is the point in my life where, in actuality, I was in a walking coma. It's literally like fourteen years of my life have been erased from my memory because of the Methadone. The only reason I can even recall enough to tell my story is because so many bad things happened during this period. For some reason the negative memories have stayed, but if you were to ask me about my son's first step or the first time he called me daddy I would have nothing to offer. A few things have stuck around like his first day of kindergarten when I walked out balling like a baby. Before I started going to the doctor my relative lost her doctor and could no longer supply me with pills. I had lost my connection and had to figure something out quick. Without the Methadone the physical withdrawal was so bad I would have suicidal thoughts. This was a first for me. A lot of people have those types of thoughts ...

Episode 2 So, my father adopts me around four and my sister, Jessica, is born in 1980. I don't have many memories of this time in my life. My mother and my sisters fathers  marriage did not last long. Around 1982 my mother meets the man that would raise me from age 7 to 18. My step-father Jon who was the third father figure in my short life. My mothers marriage to Jon was a blessing in many ways and a curse in a few. Jon owned and still owns a precious metal business that gave us a very comfortable upbringing. Private schools and the nicest clothes and shoes. Jon was also a self-proclaimed born again Christian. I would call him legalistic. His views were his views and therefore they were to be our views. Jon and my mother had my sister Jennifer in 1983 and my brother Josh in 1986. We, as a family, were in church at least three times a week. My Christian faith is the one positive I got out of my upbringing. Yes, it was a materialistically comfortable upbringing but Jon a...