Addiction and Brain Chemistry

I named this blog the struggles and triumphs of an addict because an  addict in recovery wakes up each day not knowing which one the day will bring or if the day will bring both. Sometimes your greatest struggles are really triumphs in disguise. A situation that may seem a terrible struggle could be something that is a part of recovery and you just can't see is a triumph at the time.
As a recovering addict one of the greatest struggles is psychological. When you spend years flooding your brain with chemicals that constantly release the body's natural feel good chemical Dopamine your brain, as a defensive mechanism, begins to shut the dopamine receptors down in a way. You also deplete the dopamine in your system. So, when you stop introducing the unnatural chemicals to the brain the dopamine seems used up.
The point is with the depletion of dopamine the normal things that make life pleasurable like eating food you enjoy and sex, there is no pleasure to be found. To me this is troublesome, but not my main struggle.
The changes in my brain chemistry that are most apparent is my psychological makeup. I constantly battle with depression, anxiety, and rage. The depression and anxiety are symptoms I expected once I came off the Methadone. I didn't expect them to be such a overwhelming part of my daily life, but I did expect them knowing what I know about addiction and the brain. What I'm most perplexed by is the rage. I've always been a very passive and easy going individual. When I've felt slighted or perceived someone has done me wrong I've usually just felt hurt and been quick to forgive. Now, I struggle with almost uncontrollable rage and this is a drastic change in personality and psychological makeup.
For example, I recently got into a disagreement with someone and this was not by any means the first time. Usually we say or yell our peace and it's soon over, but this time I just lost it. Before I even realized what I was doing I had threw a glass mason jar across the room smashing it into hundreds of pieces. Now, I didn't throw it at the person. I don't struggle with violent tendencies or wanting to harm anyone, the loss of control is enough to show a change in brain structure and that the wires have gotten crossed. I can only contribute this to the drug use.
So, I must take this struggle and figure out a way to turn it into a triumph by learning to control it. Just because our brains may have some abnormalities doesn't mean we can't learn to overcome the abnormalities and change the patterns of behavior by training of some sort. What that training is I do not know, but I refuse to believe we are forced to become victims of our brains chemical and wiring malfunctions. We still have a heart and a soul to guide us


http://www.addictionstudies.org/journalists/stories-west-brainchem.html
http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the_addicted_brain
http://www.dirkhanson.org/neuroaddiction.html
http://www.amhc.org/1408-addictions/article/48371-addiction-changes-the-brains-chemistry